I cannot even describe to you just how shocked I am at the passing of time. It seems as though it was just yesterday when I was a confused fifteen year old girl trying to establish her place in the world. I remember my fifteenth year very vividly; perhaps because it was one of my most confusing years of my life so far. I remember grappling with issues of confidence and weight. I remember despising my height (about 1.5 metres at the time) I always seemed to be one of the tallest amongst my peers and I hated that! I also remember trying to figure out my body and its processes. In school, I wasn’t quite young enough to be considered a junior (grade eight students are the juniors/ babies of the school) and yet I wasn’t quite old enough to be considered a senior either (the seniors at the time were in grade 11 because they were going to be in matric the next year). So I hovered in the middle of being a junior and a senior not too sure about where my place was in the school. At the time I didn’t see where exactly I fit in the bigger picture. It was about at this time also that I was introduced to boys; not as the annoying people in class but the potentially cute ones who I could give my number to. Because I was shy (although that might be debatable) my experience with ‘boys’ was limited to my imagination, what Id read in books and my shared experiences with some of my friends at the time. Although there was one boy who I had contact with and he was a really good friend of mine. So my experience with the opposite sex really was limited to friendship. As such, I didn’t really understand what all the hype and long phone calls into ungodly hours of the night were about!
My year could be summarized into one word: confused.
On the contrary here I am almost three years down the line and my view of the world is completely different. For starters I would say much of the confusion which haunted my fifteenth year is none existent or being dealt with. I no longer deal with issues of confidence or low self esteem. I would say I am currently a confident young woman who holds herself in high regard. My height? I am in deep and utter love with all of my 1.75 metres. This is the height of elegance and I would have it no other way. I think I have almost figured out my body and its processes (although I am still waiting on my breasts to advance beyond the A/B cup spot which they have so graciously embraced). I am currently a senior in school doing my last year of high school so I no longer have those issues of figuring out where exactly it is that I fit.
So I suppose you are wondering about my relationship with the opposite sex? Well to put it blatantly I would say that it is none existent at this moment. Well on a romantic level that is. On the other hand, I have some amazing male friends who have taught me a world of things about the workings of the male species and on some levels the workings of the female species.
I have had a huge total of (brace yourself, drum roll please) two “boyfriends” between the beginning of my sixteenth year and now. So I suppose my contact with the male species has improved. I am still quite skeptical of the male species because I don’t really understand it as much as I would like to so that causes me a bit of discomfort. Although I will be honest some males are absolutely drop dead gorgeous and are a pleasure to feast my eyes on!
On a more serious note, I have seen many teenage relationships many of which do not work out. I see many teenagers invest bucket loads of time and emotional attachment into relationships that end on a sour note. Having said that, I think that is the reason why I tread carefully when it comes to relationships. Yes it get frustrating sometimes when all I hear is “oh my boyfriend is awesome” or “oh I just love her”. Sometimes I long for that feeling of being loved by someone else and loving them just as much in return. That giddy feeling that leaves people with pink faces and stupid smiles plastered across their faces but I am in no rush.
Looking back I realise how far I have come and how much I have grown. There are many other incidences that would symbolize my growth and show you the journey that I have been on. Some of which are serious, others heartbreaking while others are funny and not too “serious” almost like the ones recounted above.
I am so excited to be turning 18 on the 8th of June. I cannot wait to discover what this chapter holds for me.
It is safe to say:
These are the makings of a woman!
Take care
-Busi
